Hello so i made a really long post and then kind of deleted it : ( ! Im not sure if this will come up as a new thread but if it does it was meant to be the next day of my blog lol Any who ! Last night i had a really bad headache which was probably due to the huge detoxification my body is going through ! I feel better today though , i weighed myself this morning and i was 14.9 which i know sounds shocking compared to yesterday but i lose weight really quick and put it on twice as quickly seriously i only have to look at a carrot cake and its on me (im weirdly obsessed with carrot at the moment)! Anyway , my spinach smoothie last night was really tasty but i did not have much spinach so i had to add an apple lol ! So far today i have had some hot water with lemon,ginger,honey and garlic , raw muesli (apple,banana,seeds,hazelnuts,sultanas,tahini,almond milk)2 golden plums, and im about to have a salad (rocket ,carrot,tomatoe,olives) a peach and passion fruit innocent smoothie and a banana . Im not sure what i will have for my dinner as i have gig to go to but will proably pick up a smoothie/some carrots or something or nothing ! I know its only half two but none has angered me so yaaaaaaaay !

Martyna x

Ok so not sure if this will follow on from yesterdays blog but will give it a try ! So my third day raw im feeling pretty good i had a battle of wills yesterday dinner time in tescos but stayed away from the dark/cooked side and had a banana and a smoothie ! I weighed 14.7 this morning but i wont be able to weigh myself or post my blog until monday as im going to my nans so wish me luck ! Today i have had a handful of blackberries, a peach and passion fruit innocent smoothie ,a banana and have bought a salad (lettuce,olives,toms,pepers) some carrots and have a mango and a kiwi so i hope that will keep me until i can get some dinner ! Its gonna be tough as im going to a funeral and there will be ALOT of tasty cooked food but i feel really good and hope that if i get all the food i need ready today and bring it i will be fine! I had a nightmare about taking bites out of pigs which was gross so i think my brain is getting the message that cooked food is not good for me!

Martyna x

Hello I have been a bad bad girl but its ok ! I went to a funeral and ate my weight in fried chicken ! It is actually quite boring when i do these things now ,but on the plus side i am going to an overeaters anonymous meeting tommorrow so hopefully i will be able to pair my raw life_style_ with a better understanding of why i feel the need to resort to these comforts/distructive behaviours. Anyway as usual i got comments from my family 'you really need to lose that weight dont you' which were annoying but true i still feel very unhealthy ! I weighed myself this morning and i was 14.10 (see i told you it goes on quick) but i am still pressing on as being totally raw is my goal so any slip ups are just little set backs not the trigger to a complete destructive spiral back to cooked food. So far today i have had a smoothie (apple,mango,kiwi,pear) i am going to have a salad (lettuce,olives,bell peppers,carrot,tomato) and a smoothie . I will probably have a smoothie for dinner ! I was debating not returning to my blog but am glad i have as i feel better now speak tommorrow !

Martyna x

Hello so once again yesterday was not as raw as i would have hoped it was but i am REALLY scared about this oa meeting ! Its almost feels as if i need to overeat cooked food just to be able to have the strength to go to an oa meeting lol ! So yesterday i never ate my salad and all that good stuff i was telling you about is all still in the fridge but im hopefully going to have it for lunch , so yesterday i had chicken and rice for lunch some cake and a mcdonalds and pint of cider when i met up with an ex (which was surprisingly untraumatising). Anyway i think if you have not already caught on this is going to be a VERY long journey for me as i have always overate (since about the age of 4) and have 'dieted' since the age of 13 . I managed to talk to my ex about my oa meeting which made me feel alot better as now its not so much of a dirty secret . Anyway so far today i have had cheese on toast , nutella on toast and a smoothie which i know are not raw (and i feel i little bit sick) but i am coming to terms with a lot of my demons and it helped (in a weird dysfunctional way) , im going to eat my salad stuff from yesterday go to my oa meeting and probs have a spinach smoothie ! Wish me luck !

Martyna x

Hello I made a really long and theraputic post but then lost it as this sites logs you out quite quickly when your not active ! I found my meeting very emotional but im glad i went as i feel i understand myself and my problem beter and can now move forward in terms of my development. Yesterday was in no way raw , i had a mc donalds and half a packet of custard creams before i went to my meeting which helped if only to make me realise i need help ! I am going to follow a raw plan of eating with times so i eat every 3 hours and dont have to watse time worrying about when and what to eat ! At 9 am today i had a smotthie at 12 i will have a salad (i have been tryingto eat it since monday lol) and at 3 some berries. At six i will have some carrots, an apple , a banana and a smoothie! I really wish i could have posted my other blog but such is life !

Martyna x

Oh my godness so i thought i had been kicked off the site or something because i could not log in for ages but had another try today and managed to figure it out ! My oa stuff has been surprisingly overwhelming and i have had to change the way i look at my whole entire life , I still believe a diet of mainly raw food would be best for me but as i now have more understanding of my illness i know i cant just jump , head first into being raw and do need to plan and learn more abou the life_style_. Im so sorry kiwi for not getting in contact but as i said i could not log in . From tommorrow im going to start to eat mainly fish , lentils, couscous veg and fruit . I will not be weighing myself everyday (as hard as it may be) as i feel it distracts me from my ultimate goal of changing my eating for my own sanity and well being. Speak tomorrow !

Martyna x