The cliché of the 'jolly, big lass/lad' is one so many of us conform to when overweight. It's a way of covering over the underlying pain and often to gain favour socially - people can seem so cruel, but by trying to be friendly, considerate and helpful, as I always did, I hoped to avoid difficult comments or attitudes.
My boundaries were almost limitless - in terms of consumption, I ate and drank to excess; in terms of interests, I couldn't focus on anything, veering from one project to the next, trying to give the impression of being far too busy for the one thing I really needed - intimacy.
I missed out on platonic intimacy with friends and family by never talking about important issues, and ensuring my weight in particular was taboo. In terms of loving intimacy, my pride couldn't take the constant lack of interest and rejection from the opposite sex, so I cocooned myself in over-busyness to block out the pain.
Even when I started a wonderful relationship with a guy a year into being raw, I found it so hard to give up those old manic patterns of over-busyness, they'd become so engrained in me for acceptance. It was baffling for my partner that my boundaries were so weak, that I'd agree to help with almost any task, giving out my energy into so many directions. My partner was a great influence on me though - he helped me learn to relax and get my boundaries into line - recognising my own needs and desires, learning to say 'NO', not accepting shaming from others and using self-help books and meetings for guided learning.
I have experienced and shifted a huge amount over the last months and years by working on these issues - there were so many difficult feelings, old pain and loneliness to recognise and go through - I'd been blocking so much out, keeping so much down, never feeling the feelings, never being honest. It's been an incredible process and I feel so much more in contact with myself now, with valuable support from others working on themselves and the knowledge that I'm facing these issues and breaking up my old comfort patterns.
I'd strongly recommend anyone who identifies with the character traits above, or understands that there may be deeper issues underlying their weight problem, to look into recovery work, especially self-help techniques like 'inner child' work or 'twelve step' programmes. You may find the wonderful self-help work of an author such as John Bradshaw a good starting point - see recommended Literature for more details. Alternatively, check yellow pages, internet search engines or local community boards for self-help groups in your area - there may be many to choose from - groups such as´Overeaters Anonymous´, ´Co-Dependents Anonymous´ or any ´Adult Children´ groups are likely to be good starting points
Best wishes and blessings on your journey. .